Which path is the one for me?

Since I was around 7 months pregnant with Leah I have been fascinated by all things breastfeeding, cloth diapering, labor & birth, doula & midwife related thanks to an awesome group of ladies that shed A LOT of light on the topics for me. I spend a lot of my free time researching, browsing forums and websites, as well as networking with others that have a similar interest in everything birth-y as it's often put. I have piles upon piles of printed stories and articles, highlighted with questions scribbled and AHA! moments jotted down. I love when someone asks me for my help or opinion - because many of those women are just like I was not too long ago. Completely unaware of the many choices she has before her when it comes to raising her child.

In April I re-enrolled (more like re-activated) my studies at Penn Foster for Veterinary Technician certification. While I love animals and I enjoy learning about how to care for them, and would enjoy bettering an animals life, I don't feel as strongly about it as I do about being, say, a birth educator or a lactation consultant. I don't spend my free time reading about animal illnesses caused by alternative feeding methods, I don't look up the benefits of letting my dog sleep in my bed. I love animals, and I ensure I obtain all of the information I can to care for them correctly, but I wouldn't spend a rainy day reading books about them.

I've been kinda sorta looking for schools &/or programs that I could take while in Okinawa or after returning to the states. I found a few that are wonderful, and one was suggested to me by a lovely woman named Kayce that is a distance learning class that costs $400 for all of the books, study guides, CD's, etc. that I would use to study with. It looks, and sounds, perfect for lack of a better word.

The problem I'm running in to is we have a payment plan set up with Penn Foster to pay my $700 tuition for the semester I am currently enrolled in (over 1/2 way through). Christian completely understands how in love I am with everything motherhood and I know he would tell me to go for it if I mentioned to him I wanted to enroll in a few weeks/months/a year or two. But I feel guilty. I feel like if I don't stick with this vet tech program for the next 2 years like I originally expected to I just threw away that $700 and made myself look like an idiot.

When I originally enrolled in the program I was fueled by "well what do you expect to do when your kids are in school? You need an education, you need a job!" I like animals, let's do something with animals then. Vet tech certification is a lot cheaper and faster than trying to get my RN or become a teacher, right? Clearly I made that choice without thinking it through.

That's where this entry comes in.

I feel like this is something I'd love to do. As Cassie, my dear friend, has said the life of a doula/midwife is not glamorous and it's not always convenient. Babies are born when THEY want to be, you can't plan around that. As much as I think I'd enjoy being part of the birthing process I don't feel comfortable considering that line of work, at least not right now. Childbirth educator, however, I think would be amazingly fascinating and rewarding job. Same goes with becoming a lactation consultant. I love nursing and it broke my heart when Leah and I came to the point in our relationship where I could tell it was just stressful for her and she was no longer getting ALL of the benefits she deserved. Nursing for us wasn't just about saving money or convenience - it was a time for us to spend together, calmly and quietly. One of the biggest things I look forward to with our new son is nursing again.

So, basically, I am at a crossroads in my "future" life. Haha. I am just afraid of beginning this line of study and something derailing it somehow. Or my husband thinking I am just blowing his money on things I don't take seriously. I don't think he'd ever feel that way but you never know. *sigh*

What would you do? Go with the training & education you could enjoy if you put your mind to it or take the plunge and chase what you feel you are more in tune with?

Busy lives, 25 weeks pregnant, and nonstop unpacking

Our home for the next 3 years. It's pretty spacious!

Well, we did it. We are officially moved in to our new house! The house was ready for move in on August 17th so we jumped at the opportunity and made it happen. The best part is all of our belongings had arrived so we didn't even need to get military loaner furniture. The first night I slept on an air mattress with Leah because we got to go in the night before if we wanted (and I wanted Kairi out of the kennel so I did that) but the next morning they were there ready to put things where they belonged. The movers were nice guys and hauled a lot of heavy crap up our 20 stairs but never complained once when I said that big box needed to be carried to the second floor. Haha. Of course I went into I-want-my-house-put-together mode and cleaned that whole day nonstop but I am trying to slow down a little bit because I had some swelling and pain in my legs and back from too much bending and lifting. Right now the kitchen is the only room that is pretty much put together and that's fine by me because that's where all of the cooking and eating happens anyways!

This is my car, the Primera I mentioned buying in my last post.

Since I last wrote I've been to my first OB appointment here, Leah has been to her 12-month wellbaby check up (which she went to at 13 months but oh well), Kairi came home (yay!), Christian has been on a crappy schedule (boo), and life has continued to throw punches and unexpected blessings our way. Some days are harder than others but I think that is just how things are when you're pregnant, have a husband who's exhausted from his job, and your 13-month-old is going through a growth spurt while teething. I have days when I feel like Christian isn't even really here because all he does is work and sleep, and those are the ones that are the hardest to get through because I just want him home with us. He is going to put in for leave this week hopefully so we know for sure he will be home in the days following the baby's birth.

Taken around 22.5 weeks along

I am now 25 weeks and 2 days pregnant. At my first OB appointment I was flat-out denied a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean), and was given the day right then and there that the OB would reserve for my repeat cesarean: November 30th. So, little Z and I will share a birth month. I was really excited at the chance to have a vaginal birth just because I am still fuzzy when it comes to thinking about the day Leah was born after I got into the OR. It makes me really sad to think I may not remember holding him for the first time - a memory I still struggle with about Leah. Part of me feels like stopping after this birth, never considering a third, because I will forever be seen as a "risk" to doctors. Another part of me says if I can have my third, I should - I've always wanted 3 or 4 kids. *sigh* But I digress. Because I will have another cesarean - and this one is scheduled - we can request Christian's leave dates to begin a day or two before hand and have them go through the next week. My mom is also looking at plane tickets since she'll have her passport in a few weeks. It's crazy to think next week is already September then it'll be October...and before you know it I'll be 23, going in to have my second child. It's such a crazy thought to me. It's exciting, but it's nerve wrecking at the same time. How will Leah adapt? How will I adapt?

Leah loves her talking Mickey Mouse :)

Baby Z is still nameless but I am making it my goal to change that by this weekend. I have a lot of names I like, Christian just wants a more ~exotic and ~unique name, something I understand but also realize isn't always the best idea. I want them to stand out more than "John" or "Aiden/Aidan" (two really popular names) when they start school and make friends, but I don't want him to get mocked because I gave in and let Christian name him HORATIO (yes, he is serious about that name). I remember as soon as I found out I was pregnant with Leah I had names picked out and ready by 15 weeks. I have a million girl names I like, boys are just tougher! Haha.

For now Leah is back up and I am going to take care of laundry while we watch Mickey Mouse. I'll try uploading some videos & photos to Facebook, Flickr, and this blog tomorrow. :)

Housing, car hunting, and lack of sleep

Now that I’ve gotten the trip out of the way, let’s see what else we’ve been up to lately.

We got here on Tuesday around 10pm and Christian was called to work on Wednesday at 8am. He didn’t get much sleep that first night but his quick check-in at work was just that – quick – and he was able to come back to the room to relax. He’s been doing a lot of running around trying to get errands done and the first day that was a pain because he was relying on people to drive him around being we don’t have a car and all. We ended up renting a car to save our sanity but sanity comes at an expensive price…almost $600 for a week not including gas. We decided that we were willing to swallow that pill but we’d need to jump on the car hunt asap or before you know it our car fund would instead be the rent-a-car fund.

They have two options for cars here: dealership or what they call the lemon lot. The lemon lot is where people resell their POV (personally owned vehicle) because they want a new car or before PCS’ing to another location. You’re not allowed to leave the island while still owning a car so you can sometimes get a really good deal from a desperate service member trying to get rid of their car in time to head to their next duty station. The first day we went we got a general idea of what people found to be important in the car (when the JCI is due next and working A/C were the top of the list) and kept our eyes open for ads that listed those two bits of information while still keeping our budget in mind ($2500). We found a lot of really nice that-would-be-fun-if-we-didn’t-have-kids cars but all of the family vehicles were pretty big. After seeing some of the roads and parking spots we decided we didn’t want to go any bigger than necessary really, so mini vans and most SUV’s were off limits. We found 3 sedans priced $350, $1200, and $1700 along with one mini-SUV for $1000. The $350 sedan went right away (I mean come on, who doesn’t want a cheap car?!), and the other two sedans ended up being so-so and the owners were in a big rush to get cash in their hands asap which is easier said than done when all you can really do is withdraw your limit in cash every day. The mini-SUV we found around 8:30pm so Christian didn’t want to call then…when we called the next morning at 10am it was gone. We decided we were going to sit back and just hope to find a car and called the next 2 we liked right away. My absolute favorite ended in an incorrect number (boo!) but the other was a winner from the start.

The couple is selling the car because they are hoping to add one more child to their family before they leave the island at the end of next year. (Side note: the wife had nothing but awesome things to say about the hospital here. She delivered with a midwife and was able to walk around, use a birthing ball, eat & drink, etc.) They have owned the car for 3.5 years, and have two daughters of their own (6 and just-turned-3). We asked questions about the battery, JCI, A/C, how is it space wise, any mechanical problems, etc. and they were completely open and honest with their answers. The JCI is due next year which is a little crappy (that just means that we’ll only have to do it once while we’re here), but the car is in great condition and actually has a lot of space for its size which surprised me. The backseats are super adjustable so car seats fitting between the two rows isn’t an issue at all, and the car isn’t too much narrower than our Kia so I’m sure we’ll get the infant seat in just fine. Christian said it drives super smoothly (I don’t have a license yet so he test drove it tonight), and besides a messed up windshield wiper (that they are fixing tomorrow morning) it has no mechanical issues. To me it looks like it’s in excellent condition and the fact they only want $2500 for it is a steal. It’s the newest of all the cars we looked at (besides a 2005 Skyline that was being sold for $5500) and for being a family car it looks great inside and out. They are willing to take payments if we’re unable to get the cash up front which is really helpful to us, and they even offered to take us by the insurance office to get everything switched over to our name. The wife also volunteered to help me out during the day if I need a ride somewhere which I thought was really kind of her.

So the point of all that? YAY WE HAVE A CAR!! No more paying to rent our awesome, but expensive, Mazda and no more stress over whether or not we’ll find one that is compact and still capable of carrying 2 car seats.

It’s 10:17pm and Christian is out cold next to me (I’m typing this on Microsoft Word in our room then I copy & paste when I’m able to get to the lobby) and Leah is getting tired, too. Leah adjusted to the time difference fairly easily from the get-go and we were all up by 8:30am on Wednesday. Currently our sleep schedule is everyone out by 10:30pm, Christian goes to “work” (aka in-processes) around 6am then Leah and I are up between 8 and 9am. She usually naps from 11am-1230pm then again around 4 or 5pm until 6ish. Sometimes I nap with her but lately I am trying to stay awake so I don’t become reliant on the naps this early in my pregnancy. Come September/October I’ll be taking naps any time I can sneak one I’m sure so I should do my part to be a responsible parent and all while I can still manage. Today she is a teething monster, however, and she is not on a sleep schedule of any sort. She took two really long naps today and has had more meltdowns in the last 12 hours than I think she’s had in her entire year of life. Her bottom gums are definitely swollen in two spots so I know she’s cutting a tooth of some sort. Patiently we wait for it to make its appearance.

Leah is also a walking master and hates to be carried at ANY time right now. She still uses those tip toes of hers but has no balance issues of any sort. She tried climbing stairs today and didn’t do TOO bad but she did trip over one and almost gave me a heart attack (I was standing right behind her, but still!). When I took her away from them she melted down (of course) but she is still fairly distractible right now so she calmed down pretty quickly. After getting her back to a zen state Kairi decided it was time to break out of the room and managed to get loose. Of course Christian had Leah at the time and I was tripped by the dog running out but Kairi had some bad cabin fever I guess. She ran around outside our door, used the bathroom real fast, ran around some more, then ran back into the room. She’s on quarantine for 63 more days so she’s not supposed to be outside unless she’s using the bathroom or going to the veterinarian – and we take it seriously out of respect – so we were pretty annoyed with her after that. Needless to say she did not get praise for going potty outside since all she had to do was sit by the door if she wanted us to take her out, not run me over when I am trying to go get laundry. I gotta admit I can’t completely blame her for going crazy after being in this room nonstop for a week…there’s really not much room in here for ANY of us.

Oh, speaking of that…housing! We went to our “appointment” on Friday to find out it was supposed to be a service member only briefing which left Leah and I in the lobby for an hour and a half which Christian went in to the mandatory meeting. When he finally came back out (Leah had been an angel at 8am thank god) he asked me if I had proof of pregnancy with me. I gave him a look of “I’m not just fat you know” and he said it was for our housing folder. During the meeting they asked if anyone had a pregnant spouse and when he said he did she asked if we had any other dependents. When Christian said yes she said she would authorize us for a three bedroom house instead of a two bedroom if I could provide documentation of pregnancy. We gave them a copy of my last ultrasound notes stating there was “positive fetal heart movement” with all of the baby’s measurements and my due date noted. She said it was acceptable and put it in our folder. On our way out they told us they have 3-bedroom houses available on base, so we should hear from them by this Wednesday. Here’s to hoping one of the houses is on Kadena instead of a neighboring base…that would cut down Christian’s drive time to work considerably.

Go figure that as I write about all these good things happening for us I accidentally spill a cup of sode directly into my pair of flats. Oh, universe, you and your ability to balance things out!

Flickr was updated with tons of pictures the other day and I’ve added a few more today so check ‘em out if you’re curious about what we’re doing here and what things look like. We haven’t had the chance to explore too much so the pictures are a little generic still, but once we get out and about I’ll take photos of EVERYTHING we see from cool vending machines (seriously, I love them here), to what Yen looks like, and the beaches.

We have landed!

Where do I even begin?

The day before our flight we went to my Grandpa’s house in Dixon. He asked for us to stop by at least a day early so he could see Leah and we could spend a little time together before we took off. We got there around noon, and not even 15 minutes later we all fell asleep and took a nap. We’d been packing the hotel up the night before and were still exhausted. After our nap Leah wanted to explore the house so she got to: she walked around, got to “look” at pictures, and I took some pictures of her for my dad to see.[ That was the first time Leah had been in his childhood home in over 9 months – whenever we drive down to Dixon it’s to go to someone’s house for a party. ] After just talking for a while we went out to dinner at a little local Mexican place, then we stopped by my Tio Angel’s house to visit with his family one last time. Leah enjoyed herself as usual, and it was nice to be able to relax and see some more of my family before we made the plunge and got on our flight the next morning.

At that point it hadn’t really sunk in that we were moving for Christian or myself. We’ve both lived out of suitcases and hotels for one reason or another, and we’d been back and forth between our “usual stops” of Dixon, Galt, and Roseville…it just felt like a really weird vacation.

That night I didn’t sleep at all. Christian and Leah passed out eventually (him around midnight, her around two), but I just couldn’t bring myself to close my eyes. I was paranoid we’d lost something, we’d forget a necessity, what if Kairi gets stuck in San Francisco, or even worse: what if she gets stuck in Tokyo? I quadruple checked our tickets to make sure we were on the same flight, seats together, the right day and time. I made sure the vet didn’t overlook a single detail of Kairi’s history, and double checked her food supply we’d be giving the airline. After I finally convinced myself we were okay, and things were in order, I sat on the bed next to Leah and watched Dexter until 5am rolled around. Then it was time to wake up Christian and my Gramps to get the car loaded so we could be on our way. Our flight didn’t take off from San Francisco until 11:30am but we’d been advised to arrive 3 hours early so we could get our tickets, baggage checked, Kairi paid for and approved for flight, make it through international security, find the gate, etc. My Gramps has lived in the Bay Area forever it seems so he advised we take off 3 hours before our suggested arrival time to give us plenty of time for traffic since we’d be going through right around when people start heading to work for the day. Well it would figure that on this particular day his prayer for us showed results instantaneously – there was NO traffic the whole way to San Francisco, and even on the bridge we never once had to completely stop. We ended up in the SFO airport at our terminal a whole 4.5 hours early. We grabbed something to eat and let Leah walk around since it was a huge seating area and we were three of the seven people waiting that early. I got on the WiFi connection the airport has and woke my sister Jackie up, and she got everyone in her room so they could see Leah walk around on webcam and we could talk one last time before we took off. Even then I didn’t really feel like we were doing anything life changing…we’d flown as a family before, and came back. Nothing made this trip feel like it was anything special – Kairi was even waiting for us at our destination during our last trip – but I could tell my nerves would kick in soon enough.

After trying to maneuver the ramp with a baby, a stroller, a car seat, and 6 carry-ons (that we ended up regretting taking since only 2 of the bags ended up serving a purpose) we found our seats and settled in. I didn’t realize it until later but before the plane even finished taxiing out to the runway Leah and I were both completely asleep. She woke up ~2hrs later but I didn’t wake up for almost ~5hrs. When I first got to see our “in-flight map” we were halfway across the Pacific Ocean. I was in-and-out most of that flight, as I expected myself to be. Thankfully Leah was in a good mood and didn’t cause Christian much heartache. The last two hours seemed to drag on. They played four or five movies and a few episodes of FRIENDS so there was plenty to distract us, we were just getting antsy. Leah had woken up and was annoyed to STILL be on the plane and we really couldn’t blame her. By this point I had lost the feeling on the inside arch of my left foot though only slightly. When we were finally informed we were making our approach is when Christian and I started asking each other “Can you believe we’re here? Can you believe we actually made it?” After taking off around 11:00am and being on a plane 10hrs we were kind of expecting to land in the middle of the night – instead we walked off the plane and were welcomed to a warm afternoon in Tokyo. It was ~2:00pm when we landed.

Before we left the check-in desk in San Francisco they told us all of our baggage was checked through Okinawa. “Don’t pick-up bags, don’t re-check dog” they kept saying. All we’d have to do is go through customs and security again to get to our second flight.

This of course meant that when we landed in Tokyo we see Kairi sitting in the middle of the walkway by baggage claim and our stuff on the incoming belt. I wanted to cry my eyes out. We didn’t bother with the baggage but instead grabbed Kairi’s crate and took her over to the animal quarantine desk to see if something was wrong or if we simply needed to provide her paperwork to get her on to our next plane. The guy working the counter was nice, and although he spoke very little English he knew exactly what we needed to fill out and took only the papers he required for his records. Kairi was terrified, naturally, but was in one piece and that’s all I really cared about at that point. Christian and I were trying to figure out how we were going to push Leah in her stroller, a cart with all 6 luggage items, 6 carry-ons, and 1 dog crate through customs and to a ticket counter. Just then one of the airport employees must have felt our panic and fear because he walked over to us and asked “Are you the Zambrana’s?” and when we said yes he smiled and said he had our luggage on a cart ready for us. When we thanked him he asked if we were traveling alone with all of the bags plus a baby and a dog. We said yes and he called a stewardess-looking employee over and explained to her we needed her help. She smiled and took us exactly where we needed to go and explained what each counter meant. The ladies at the counter for All Nippon Airways (ANA) were very kind and helpful. They played and talked with Leah, got us our tickets, explained where to go and when, and took care of our baggage entirely. I was feeling frantic and completely lost when we first landed in Tokyo but after that I was completely fine. We walked to our terminal, got a drink and a snack, and that’s when I was able to get online to let people know we’d arrived. The calling card we’d bought to use while in Japan didn’t have an international number on it (only on the top part that most people will automatically throw away, go figure) so e-mails were sent instead of phone calls. Leah got to stretch her legs and run around the terminal while Christian and I took turns chasing her.

When we finally went to board our second and final plane we first got onto a bus, then we were bussed to the plane that was waiting for us a short drive down the flight line. After making it to the plane we were told it would be a few minutes and people just kind of stood around waiting to be told they could go on. After we were released to the plane Leah and I took our seats by the window and Christian took his across from me in the middle. The first plane we had been on was much bigger – since it was an international flight and all – with three seats by the windows, and six or seven across the middle. This plane was two seats by the windows, and four in the middle. We had a small delay taking off and Leah was in a foul mood so she was crying and throwing any and everything we tried giving her. When we actually started taxiing out to the runway she passed out cold and slept the first 45 minutes of the flight. The rest of the way was rough. We ran out of water and they only served tea and soda on our flight so we were screwed as far as formula, milk, or juice went. We tried teething tablets, pacifier to help with her ears, orajel, any and everything we could think of – no dice. We ended up just playing pass the baby and hoped we’d keep her calm enough to not want to kill one another before we landed. Christian did manage to get a cat nap in on that flight though not too long after he passed out Leah went into super-bad-baby mode and threw a huge fit that woke him up.

We landed at the Naha International Airport around 9:45pm local time on July 20th. The scramble to get all of our luggage together as well as find Kairi began and we hoped and prayed Christian’s sponsor would be there waiting for us to help us get to base. Thankfully he was, and he was a smart guy and asked another of Christians soon-to-be co-workers to meet him at the airport to help “just in case” we couldn’t fit in his little car. He has a 2 seater car with less trunk space than most smart cars so it was definitely necessary that someone else help out. It was a VERY tight fit but we managed to get everything in the cars. It meant all of the passengers had luggage in their laps and Kairi was surrounded by bags on the top and sides, but we got everything back to the base.

It was weird driving on the left side of the road, and terrifying watching the motorcycles weave through traffic – two things that are standard in Japan. We were warned of common practices such as cars blowing through red lights and speeding up when it turns yellow and got to see it happen more than once on the 45 minute drive to base. The whole island seems to look pretty similar from what we could see at night and on the main highway…lots of casinos. I think we counted 5 on the ride home. There are also quite a few McDonald’s and some A&W Rootbeer restaurants.

The base itself is pretty dang huge, and confusing. I think it has a lot to do with us getting use to the traffic laws to be honest. Christian was able to get an Okinawan rental car with his international driver’s license which has been a huge help to us since he won’t be getting his base-approved license until tomorrow (if all goes according to plan).The hotels on base don’t have internet except for in the little lobby down the road, and while there’s a shuttle that will pick you up from your room if they are available, there is currently only ONE servicing the entire base so we haven’t had any luck with getting a free ride. The first full day we were here (July 21st) we decided to try to walk the half-a-mile to the PX and commissary. We didn’t make it 20 feet when it started pouring. Not a little rain shower, not a quick sprinkle, downright torrential rain. Naturally Leah had nothing covering her stroller and we all got soaked. It was still ~80 degrees outside so we survived but we took that as a sign that Okinawan weather really isn’t predictable at all. Leah thought it was fun, and she laughed and played while we waited for the storm to pass so we could take her back to the room for a quick change. The humidity here is ridiculous and if I don’t put in contacts I will see nothing but fog on my glasses for a good 5-10 minutes upon going outside. I have a picture on my camera of our car and it looks like I’m standing in the middle of fog because the lens was hit by the humidity. Besides the rain and constant humidity the weather here isn’t all that bad.

It’s been two days since we arrived and my left foot is still numb. I called the hospital to ask if I should be concerned about it and it sounds like my big baby possibly picked one of my nerves and decided it would be nice to cuddle up with and has cut off the feeling to that part of my foot. I have no discoloration, no temperature change, and no severe symptoms otherwise…just numbness. I have an appointment to be referred over for my pregnancy and such on August 9th and if it is still a problem then I may see a specialist. Until then I have been told to do my best ot be on a “modified bed rest” schedule since Christian is in-processing and gone most of the day and I can’t very well tell Leah to just stop having needs. While he’s at work I am to keep my activity to a minimum and drink plenty of fluids; when he gets home I am to take my activity level down to nothing if at all possible (the nurse told me to have my husband take over duties with Leah haha) and elevate my feet. She recommended this because I have had a lot of back pain with this baby so far and from how I’m carrying (very prominently) at only 20 weeks my body is most likely strained and under stress from all of the traveling. I haven’t had much time to relax (except while writing this) today mostly because Leah is fighting her nap as usual and Christian is taking one instead. At least one of them will hopefully have a sunnier disposition in an hour or so!

Besides wreaking havoc on my innards, Baby Z is doing well at 20weeks+. I get plenty of loving kicks and punches throughout my day and my appetite is just fine. We do not have a name picked out yet for those of you who have asked, and I don’t know when we will have one. We have a girl name we like a lot but boy names are a little more difficult for us to agree on. I haven’t started shopping for boy things quite yet because while the PX here is pretty big their baby section is lacking a little in the clothing department for my taste. I sense an order from Carters.com very shortly…

I don’t have a ton of pictures to put online yet but as I take them I’ll be updating our Flickr account. Until we get a house (appointment is on Friday, waiting list is currently between 9 and 12 months…) I’ll be using the hotel internet so don’t be surprised if I am unable to update daily or if I don’t reply to messages or e-mails. It’s not done purposefully as anyone with a small child and a busy husband can tell you – I just don’t have a ton of free time on my hands right now. I’ll get back to you as soon as I can, and I’ll update whenever possible. It’s nice to have a connection to our stateside family and friends still, even if it is online via the internet.

Independence Day, packing up, and we have movement!

Well it's about that time again...I'm due to write an update on how the Z family is doing. There are a few things of note that are going on lately, so I'll just jump right in.

As you all know, Sunday was July 4th, the United States of America's day of independence. We made plans to spend the day with my family in Galt as we've done in the past, which was a lot of fun...when we got there. Leah's been in full teething mode lately so we arrived MUCH later than planned (6pm) since we didn't wake up until 1:30pm with our little insomniac. Calculate shower time for 2 adults, a thick head of curls that needed to be straightened (yes, NEEDED - anyone who's seen my poodle hair can vouche for me that it is a necessity), cupcakes that needed to be put in a holder, a dog that needed to be taken out as well as given plenty of fresh food and water, packing a diaper bag, and feeding, changing, and dressing an 11 month old....and you'll have arrived at a late departure as well! Thankfully there was no traffic on the way and we made good time on the drive down. We got to eat lots of yummy food, spent some time socializing and enjoying company, then we watched the fireworks show. My cousins also set off some fireworks at home that Leah was terrified of - she didn't even like the sparklers Christian bought for me! We had fun and even though we got home very late (1am) it was worth it. My family got to take pictures with Leah, and we will hopefully be stopping by one more time this coming weekend to drop off and extra food or cleaning supplies we have after the house is packed up since it won't do us any good. Then it'll be a long while until we see them again.

Wednesday is day 1 of packing up the house....and it will be complete on Friday. We're debating whether or not we're staying here in the house Friday - Wednesday when we have no furniture or entertainment of any sort...the military will only pay for 5 days of hotel & food costs for us so that leaves us with 4 days out of pocket if we choose not to stay here. It would only be ~$400 but there are pros and cons to both decisions. I have a feeling we'll end up going to a hotel because Leah will get tired of being in an empty house VERY quickly. I'm still in disbelief we're moving. I don't think I'll really accept it until I wake up in a hotel at 4am feeling very hungry and tired. Even then I might just blame my weird pregnancy dreams. We are down to less than 2 weeks until we'll be in Japan...less than 2 weeks until we start on the third most exciting journey of our lives. It's going to be incredible.

Christian had a 4 day weekend which has sadly come to a close, so he is asleep. Leah is sitting here with me eating a multi-grain cracker (since she's still on a cracker binge we got her a healthier option), and Kairi is asleep on the floor looking goofy. I am exhausted, and would really like to be asleep, but Leah's got a slight fever that I think is once again teething related. Instead I have the washer and dryer going. I might as well get the rest of this laundry done if I'm going to be up anyways, right? Tomorrow we'll be packing our suitcases so it would be a good thing to get done any ways. Leah will be in cloth diapers only through tomorrow, then we'll be packing them up and having them sent with our early shipment so they will be delivered once we have a house again. Back to the days of disposable diapers stinking up my trash can....sigh. My super sensitive pregnant nose can smell trash from a mile away so it won't be a fun 2 weeks, but such is life. I'm hoping since we've been on the housing waiting list for a little over a month now we'll be offered a house within a decent time frame...and that the house is pet friendly!

This morning (er afternoon) I woke up to some very noticeable baby "kicks". They aren't super strong or externally visible, but Christian and I were both able to feel the baby move around for a few minutes throughout the day if we sat and put a hand on my stomach. It's amazing to think that at 18 weeks our child is already developed enough to make them self known. In just a little over a week we'll be able to make the big announcement about the sex of little Baby Z...I can't wait! I think I might go buy an IntelliGender testing kit for kicks & giggles...it would be interesting to see if it is able to accurately determine the baby's sex in advance.

This took about 40 minutes for me to type up, thanks to my child demanding another cracker and getting mad at me for having electronics near her haha, so I think I will end it here. Hopefully I'll be able to update again later in the week before we lose internet. Until then, stop by our Flickr Account to see some updates pictures of our family.

A much needed update!

Hello again readers, I apologize for the long break without any type of update on our family. Believe me when I say we've been busy getting ready for this move while we still have a little bit of time on our hands. It feels like we've been on the go nonstop lately, yet there is still an incredible amount of work to do before we head out in 18 days. Due to the ridiculous amount of stuff I could post about that's happened lately I'm going to do a simple laundry list of major points and begin regular blog updates tomorrow hopefully.

• Leah has been walking more but with more walking attempts comes more falling. She's bumped her head a few times, nothing major thankfully, and is becoming more of a walker every day.
• We are officially car-less...legally, but not literally. We gave Betsy to my aunt today who will definitely get some use out of it, title and all. We still have my grandpa's SUV thankfully, and he'll be driving us to the airport after all. So that's two big items off our plate!
• We've gotten rid of some of the furniture we're not taking with us to Japan, and already our house looks different. It was only one couch, a computer desk, and a headboard but without them in their usual spot things seem off. It's going to be fun adjusting to a new house in a new country!
• I am now 17 weeks pregnant and it is definitely obvious. I went from being kind-of-sort-of pregnant looking to "When are you due?" pregnant. I've only gained 3 lbs so far, and that all popped up out of nowhere about 2 days ago. My midwife said baby is growing great, and we heard the heartbeat right away on Monday at my appointment.
• I was also given the go ahead to have our anatomy scan appointment a week early (19 weeks) so we can do it before flying to Japan! It's scheduled for July 15th at 2:30pm. After family hears from us we'll post on here whether we're Team Blue or Team Pink! Guesses are welcome at our ExpectNet! pool - no registration is required.
• We found out that the hotel on base is completely booked during the 10 days we'll be homeless (that's right, the Air Force is packing us up 10 days early) so we get to search for a pet friendly hotel we can afford for that long. We have to pay out of pocket then request reimbursement in Japan. Our savings will never be the same. *cry cry*
• Christian's last day at work is July 8th - he has to continue to outprocess, but that will make this whole move so much easier for us.
• Leah is more vocal lately - I have 2 videos I'll have to post of her just babbling away. She's going to be a chatterbox. :)

That's all for now; I'll do an update tomorrow on our day and any new news.

Fearless Leah and a shopping trip

We had a pretty good Thursday in the Z household. Leah slept through last night beautifully, and woke up the first time around 8am. She was in good spirits, smiling and rolling around my bed, when she began to babble to herself. I listened and would throw out a "Oh really?" every once in a while to which she'd laugh and act shy, then she'd go off into her own little world again. She was only up about an hour but she started rubbing her eyes, yawned, and fell asleep. She ended up sleeping until noon, and then she was up for the day. It's days like this that make me so darn lazy when she gets up at 9 or 10am...I know we could be sleeping until noon! Haha.

Leah and I did our normal wake-up routine, then while I ate lunch and checked our e-mail and bank accounts she was playing in her pack & play with her rubber blocks. She was content for about 30 minutes, then got very bored and frustrated so I took her out and she sat on the floor with a toy on her foam squares just babbling away. She decided she was going to stand, took a few steps, and I clapped for her. She stopped, balanced, then took a sudden right turn as if she saw something she wanted and fell face first into our entertainment center. I, of course, panicked and soothed her as best as I could. She cried for all of maybe 20 seconds but I was frantically rocking her and walking around the living room as if I had just seen her chop her own thumb off. She just kind of laid back and relaxed, and after I realized my child was not going to die some tragic death I sat her down with me on the couch and checked out the damage. She has a small bruise, maybe 1 inch in length, that's a little purple. No black eye, no cuts or bleeding, no permanent damage. Leah went right back to playing, and acted fine all afternoon.

I did some housework while Leah enjoyed her favorite Mickey Mouse Clubhouse episode, and I managed to get a beginning picture of my baby bump as pregnant bellies are often referred to as. I am 16w and 2d so far, and with Leah I didn't begin to get a hint of baby until 19w+ so I am excited to see how this pregnancy goes. Will I gain as much weight as I did with Leah? Will I get as big as I did with Leah? Am I having a boy or a girl? I have some similar cravings this time around as I did with Leah but overall this feels very different to me. At this point I don't know what to think. So far I've lost weight - I currently weight 134lbs and I was 140lbs when I found out about the pregnancy. With Leah I gained 55lbs, but I lost 47lbs before getting pregnant again - I did this solely by breastfeeding and returning to normal portion sizes when eating, no dieting or exercise involved at all so I have full confidence in myself that I'll lose any new weight I gain. I'm not super freaked out by gaining weight - obviously, not everyone would be okay with gaining 55lbs in 9 months - I just wonder why I'm able to eat all of the same things I did with Leah but haven't gained a single pound. I'm guessing it has something to do with chasing an 11.5 month old around all day, but I'll just pretend I am eating better than I actually am. ;) I'll post the picture later on even though most of the people who stop by here regularly have seen it on my Facebook page already.

When Christian got home we went to Roseville to check out some portable "superyard's" as the companies call them...basically think old school Rugrats cartoons - what the babies would be put in - something similar to that. Now that Leah can stand & cruise her pack & play just isn't as fun for her anymore since there's not much space to move around and such. We don't have carpet anywhere in the house so I can't just put her in an area and sit there while she plays...we have to buy foam letters & numbers to cover the floor then get something to "cage" her in so she doesn't escape magically. We don't just leave her on the floor playing but it would be nice to know she has a "safe space" where she can play, have her toys, and chill every once in a while when I need a drink, Kairi is in the living room, or she is watching her Mickey Mouse cartoon. She's becoming more independent as far as her playtime goes so I think she'd really enjoy it, too. Well, we ended up leaving without one because the box was HUGE and we want a metal one because I've read stories of the plastic ones getting knocked over, easily pushed around, etc. and we don't know if our house in Kadena will have carpeting or not. Leah did get some more of her favorite fruit snacks (freeze dried apples, bananas, and strawberries...she loves the texture) and a new toy. We went by the mall and stopped in Pottery Barn Kids and found an adorable tote on sale that is big enough to hold toys and stuffed animals for $20 so we picked that up. Finally, all of her toys have a place and aren't scattered all over my house! While walking out of the mall we went by the Apple store and holy crap there had to be 200 people lined up waiting to be allowed in the store to pick up their reserved iPhone4. That is absolutely ridiculous and crazy to me, but I guess some people just really have to be on top of the latest technology. :/ On the way back from Roseville we stopped by Target to see if they had any "superyard" options and came out with $30 in odds and ends instead....which is a typical Target trip, really.

Currently Christian is playing Call of Duty while Leah talks to him and rolls around the bed in preparation for bedtime. Kairi is laying on my right foot (which is now numb), and I just finished a cupcake with a nice cup of lactose-free milk. Here's to hoping we get a great night of sleep again and that tomorrow is the start of a lovely weekend.

Housework and an (almost) expensive mistake

Today is ending on a fairly positive note and I think all four of us are looking forward to getting plenty of rest tonight. I'll fill in the gaps as to what has happened since I updated ~9 hours ago.

Earlier Leah decided that naps are lame and woke up a little over 30 minutes after finally falling asleep. She wasn't in a great mood but she was fairly giggly for getting in such a short nap. I fed and changed her, then Christian called to say they ended the exercise early so he'd be home at 5:00 - only an hour early but I'll take it! After last night we were both feeling really tired and run down so we opted to order pizza for delivery instead of me trying to come up with something to make for dinner. Truthfully neither of us want to do dishes tonight, so we went with our default you-can't-go-wrong-with-pizza option. It ended up being exactly what we needed, especially the garlic bread sticks and marina sauce. I don't know what it is about me, pregnancy, and marinara sauce but I could literally eat it all day and night right now. Spaghetti, bread sticks, pizza, anything marinara would be tasty on I will gladly eat. We also had root beer with dinner (imagine that, right?), then we all mellowed out a bit. I talked with my Mom about the new happenings with the move, and Leah was with Christian in our room playing.

While she was distracted I decided I'd fold laundry that's been calling my name all day but I've been avoiding. I was watching TLC's "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant", and was on auto pilot for the most part. In the middle of pairing socks up I felt something heavy and round in one of my socks...so I decided to turn it inside out and see what it was. As I'm doing so I hear something hit the floor...and it ends up being a shiny, silver ring. I figured it might be one of my cheap fake rings I have on hand in case my hands swell and my normal rings don't fit (which will happen while pregnant my not-yet-pregnant friends!) so I grab it expecting to see some tarnished piece of cheap plastic. Well, it was actually 2 rings that we had soldered when we got married - my engagement ring and my wedding band. Color me confused when I made this realization. I called Christian over and asked him when he last remembers seeing this particular ring set. He just kind of looked at me and said "Uh, I don't know, when did you last wear it?" So apparently these rings could have been missing for days or even a week...or two...being I found this sock under our bed just yesterday. I admit I have more rings than I need really, so I often rotate which ring I wear since I only wear 1 ring at a time. I'm still surprised I didn't notice it was missing, though, as this set will always be my favorite since it was my first. Pregnancy brain is a powerful thing because I honestly have NO idea when I last saw it. I can't even come up with a general idea. Then again I wouldn't remember half of what happened today if I didn't blog about it so I guess I shouldn't be surprised....

We have two more appointments set up - the date we move out of our house and Christian's last day at work - but we have three more to make. I'm hoping they'll let Christian take a few hours tomorrow to do all of that before it gets to the end of the month...which is next Wednesday! I can't believe a week from tomorrow will be July...and only 9 days from my baby's first birthday. She's not allowed to turn one...I am going to be a wreck.

Teething bites and Kairi is Okinawa bound

Can this be right? Is it really already 3:15? I swear it feels like Leah and I just woke up, but then again, when I consider all that's been accomplished today it should probably be closer to 7:00. We got some more good news today (it keeps rolling in) so today has been a success nevertheless.

Last night Leah had a really rough time staying asleep. She passed out in bed with Christian and I as we watched Alice in Wonderland (very interesting movie by the way, not entirely sure I'd pay $20 for it though) around 11pm. She was asleep pretty deeply so we figured she was down for the night. When the film ended around midnight we decided to just let her sleep with us, and we went to bed, too. Well, around 1am I felt her start moving around so I woke up. I watched her squirm for a minute or so then she started bawling. That woke Christian up pretty quickly and we tried calming her back down so she could fall back asleep. Sometimes if the house is too quiet she'll wake up (we use to sleep with the TV on in the hospital and for the first few months she had to have the TV on to sleep well) so I tried putting an episode of Rugrats on really low. Well, she ended up falling asleep then waking up in 15 minute intervals for almost an hour. Then I thought she could be a little warm since Christian is like a human heater and we put her in her pack & play. She fell asleep, then woke back up not even 10 minutes later. This continued until 3:30am. We tried everything: diaper change, offering food, checked her temperature (slightly elevated, nothing major), gave her teething tablets and 1/2 dose of tylenol, rocked her, sang to her, rubbed her back...she was 100% unhappy and uncomfortable. Christian had to wake up for work at 4:30 so we got desperate and put her in her swing. That did the trick for whatever reason and she slept there until 5:15 when Christian left and he put her in the pack & play. I think it was probably teething pains due to the slight temperature and the fact that NOTHING was helping because she is typically a very easy baby to comfort. She's already got 8 teeth (4 on both top and bottom), so I was hoping they would slow down on showing up...but apparently that's not in the cards right now. She was woken up alongside me at 8:00am with a phone call, and she was in a BAD mood...you could just tell she was still exhausted. She hadn't napped until now - 3:00pm - so I have a feeling she'll be out for an hour, probably two.

The phone call this morning was about our upcoming move, thankfully. If it had been anyone else I might have bitten their head off. The travel office was calling to let us know that our dog has been confirmed on our flights to Okinawa which is a big relief for us because she was marked as tentative due to the fact that most airlines won't take pets during the summer because of the high temperatures. They worked something out so she'll be able to join us and we got a small discount on her because we got her ticket through the government agency (though she's still expensive...$500!). Thankfully our DLA (dislocation allowance) will be paying for her ticket. They also received a confirmation today that the packers have been booked to come by on July 7th to begin the packing process. The first day they come by they will be picking up our "small" shipment, which will be full of items we want sent over immediately because they are our more "vital" living items. Things like Leah's extra pack&play (the one that has all of her toys in it), kitchen items in case we get our house early, small bedding items, the TV from our bedroom, whatever extra food of Kairi's we have that we can't pack in our bags (as well as her toys, treats, and her personal bedding stuff), Leah's walker, etc. They'll also probably get an estimate of how much we have total to pack so they can bring an appropriately sized truck. We're actually leaving a LOT of stuff behind because it's well loved and we have been planning on buying our own first hand items we just don't want to buy it brand new then trust the military to move it right away (haha!). The only big ticket items we're taking are our DVD collection, our TV, a love seat, and 2 mattress sets. We can't take our washer & dryer (the houses come with them built in and they don't have storage units on base), one of the couches is broken, the dining room table is WAY old and used, our computer desks are on their last leg of life, and our dressers are all old and battered. We've lived with less in the past (we slept on a single twin mattress for the first 6 months of our marriage with no dressers or computer desks, and a TV on the floor) so I know that's not going to be difficult for us to manage. It'll be fun to slowly pick up new furniture items for the house, anyways. We're both looking forward to things actually matching one another!

Leah's awake. It's 3:35. She is going to be soooo tired tonight....

Another thing we sorted out despite some difficulties is the car situation. We're giving the car to one of my aunts who will actually get some use out of it so we're driving it down to her next week before the insurance expires, and we're using my Grandpa's truck until we leave. He's very blessed and has two cars currently so he told us last month we could use the SUV he has if necessary. We gave him a call and gave him an update on the situation, so now we are just trying to find someone to drive us down to San Francisco on the 19th. If need be we'll be paying a shuttle to drive us but that's a 4 hour drive so we're avoiding that if at all possible. The only reason we agreed to fly out of San Francisco is because I have a ton of family who live not even 2 hours away who said they'd help us if we needed it, but that suddenly changed this week after some drama popped up out of nowhere. (Yes, I know you guys are reading this, I have a location tracker on the left side of the blog.) All because before I even had the chance to tell my parents about our travel updates I had people telling me who I could or couldn't ask for help. So we're looking into our options and weighing them very carefully for the time being.

I should probably go and get the little one out of her pack and play before she realizes I'm here and fully aware she's awake. Haha.

Leah is tired, more travel updates, and I am 16 weeks pregnant

It is barely going on 4pm here in California but today has felt like the longest day ever. It has a lot to do with last night, so I'll start there.

Leah woke up yesterday at her normal time and took her first nap as usual. Typically she takes a second nap sometime between 4 and 5pm, shortly after Christian has gotten home and she spends time with him. Well, I guess she depends on him being home more than we realized because she fought sleep like it was do or die. Christian is stuck working 6am-6pm all of this week so he didn't get home until almost 6:30. By the time he walked through the door Leah was near hysterics she was so tired. I had already fed her, tried rocking her, tried putting her in her swing, even just lay in bed with her...nothing worked. She turned into Little Miss Sunshine once she saw Daddy, and was in a much better mood. The problem is by 7pm she was no longer showing signs of being tired and we couldn't get her to take a nap. So she ended up staying away until she passed out around 9:30pm. She is usually up until midnight so that was ridiculously early to us. Most people would say get some alone time in, enjoy some time without the baby awake...we got some alone time in the form of brushing our teeth and taking our dishes to the sink. There is no way I would willingly stay up after Leah's gone to sleep if I don't have to, and Christian was falling asleep before finishing dinner. So our entirely house was asleep by 10pm last night. Leah woke up a few times...she'd cry for about 10 seconds then get comfortable and fall back asleep. I think she woke up around 5 times.

Christian got called this morning at FOUR A.M. because of the exercise going on. It's basically them going through the recall roster, and I was not pleased with waking up to my phone ringing just so a guy could tell him "Exercise, exercise, exercise. Please notify the next person on the roster." Ugh, displeased. Call him yourself! :|

Anyways. So because we went to bed at a ridiculously early hour Leah was up like a sunny side egg by 8am. I had gotten plenty of sleep in, sure, but I am not a morning person under any circumstance. She was in a good mood and acting cute though so I dragged myself out of bed to feed and change her. Then we watched some Rugrats episodes on Netflix. By then it was already 9am and she was showing signs of getting tired. Most days she'll nap within 2ish hours of waking up so I knew by 10 I'd need to get her comfy so she could start settling down. Around 10:30 I lay her down in bed with me and before I could even turn on the TV she was asleep. She napped until 1pm (score) and I made sure to nap with her because I was getting a headache. Thankfully we both got a good nap in and felt much better after.

I did a bunch of cleaning mostly in our living room and kitchen. The table in the living room had become overrun with Leah toys and snacks (containers, that is), and badly needed to be polished. The kitchen was still a disaster from dinner last night because we were so tired neither of us remembered I had left the food containers out on the counter, so everything had to be tossed (boo). I ended up making Italian breadcrumb chicken tenderloins with Mexican rice last night (a favorite around here), and tonight we'll be having spaghetti, rolls, and a side salad. I have to think of something to make tomorrow which will prove to be more difficult. I can either do teriyaki chicken with white rice and veggies, homemade bread pizza, or I can do something with red meat for a change of pace...but I have no red meat, no pizza sauce, and no white rice. Go figure! So I guess we'll see what I end up scrounging up...

As far as moving goes we got a new itinerary in the mail today that's showing July 19th as our departure date. Thankfully it's another direct flight out of SFO and we're still arriving at night (8:45pm on July 20th). Christian is going to try to make some of the appointments today but with the exercise going on I'm not sure how successful he'll be. All I really care about at this point is booking the movers because if they tell us "Oh we're busy" or "Nobody is available, reschedule" one more time I am going to slap someone into next week. The only trouble we're running into is that our car insurance won't be renewed after June 30th (we already sold it and were planning on being with my family by then because of the July 5th moving date). So that's one major detail we have to work out now.

It's now 4:12 and I need to get some more dishes washed and put away. I've been doing them in shifts (mostly bottles) because I had how dry and prune-y my hands end up feeling. Then it'll be just about time to get dinner started so Christian doesn't have to wait to eat when he's already basically gone without food all day (they rarely, if ever, actually give him a lunch break). Leah is content with Mickey Mouse, Kairi is napping, and I need a snack but nothing sounds good. Well, pizza does, but I think Christian might get upset if I order a large pizza and breadsticks just because it sounds like a good snack. :) Baby Z is 16 weeks along today which means only 22ish weeks until I'll deliver...and only 3-4 weeks until we can find out the gender. I'm hoping my midwife will let me find out before we go. That would make this whole trip so much more relaxing for me. I thought about calling and asking today but my appointment is next Monday so I think I can wait until then. Think, of course, being the operative word. I'm still not showing super obviously so no pictures of the belly yet...when I do begin showing more and I take pictures weekly everyone will be so tired of them they'll miss these simple text updates!

Every day is Father's Day

Today is Father's Day.

Last year around this time all we could do was talk about how quickly my due date was approaching, how soon we'd be parents. Parents!! Even though I was nearly 50lbs heavier and had a round stomach you could easily mistake for a watermelon I don't think we really understood how much our lives would be changing in a few short weeks. We chose to celebrate Mother's and Father's Day in 2009 despite the fact that I was still pregnant - we wanted to have fun and to go out celebrate. We bought little gifts and ate at a "fancy" restaurant (aka we broke our usual $20 budget). Back then I think that's what we expected Mother's/Father's Day to be. Presents, going out to dinner, little pat on the back to and from one another.

This year, my husband is a father no matter your opinion or view on pregnancy and when a "baby is considered a baby" - he has a living, breathing, high-maintenance 11-month-old daughter who loves her daddy to death. Next year he'll get to celebrate with two little ones (plus our furbaby Kairi of course!).

Today wasn't anything special like last year was. Christian actually let me sleep in (go figure!) and when I did wake up (at noon, mind you) he was sitting in the living room with Leah watching the Brazil vs. Ivory Coast soccer match. Both of them were content, just watching the ball get kicked back and forth, a frenzy of color as the teams swapped possession. He had changed her diaper, fed her, and kept her entertained while I unintentionally slept the morning away. We ordered pizza for lunch, and ate together as the game came to a close. I asked a few times if he'd thought of a gift he'd like or somewhere he'd like to go...and the only thing he came up with is he'd liked a new soccer ball, and his iPod replaced, though he doesn't want either in the immediate future.

So instead of fight the crowds to go out to dinner, or spending money on unnecessary "because it's the right thing to do" gifts, we spent our day at home, together, at my husbands request. Because really, that's all he wanted for Father's Day - to spend time with his girls without distraction or interruption. Without Leah, he wouldn't have a reason to celebrate Father's Day. I find it fitting that he spent 'his' day focusing on her instead of himself.

When you think about it, you don't need to go out or buy presents to make it Father's Day anymore than you need to buy cards and gifts to make it Valentine's Day, Christmas, or your birthday - you just need the people that make that day important around you.

Change of plans, shopping adventures, and a baby Z update

Remember that whole "we have an official date!" announcement I made? Let's just pretend that didn't happen (even though the entry is still down there). We found out the next morning that something is going on with the moving company the base has contracted to do it's overseas PCS appointments and they don't have anyone available to do any moves for almost 2 weeks in July. So, we're back to square one, waiting for someone to tell us what's going on and to give us a date so we can try to make all of our appointments again. Right now the earliest date we'll be able to leave is looking like the 19th of July, which means Leah will be celebrating her first birthday in California after all. The original flight info sounded pretty awesome, especially since we'd be arriving at night which would have hopefully helped us adjust to the time difference a little quicker. We can only hope the new flight is direct like our original one was - I'd prefer to only get on two planes with a baby and dog between here and Okinawa, not three or four!

Besides this big change of plans not much has been going on around our house. Leah is still dead set on walking whenever possible and absolutely hates her pack & play now. Put her on the ground with some toys and she'll love you, but that girl moves so fast I can't take my eyes off of her for a second without running the risk she'll get hurt somehow. She hasn't been able to use the walker as much as before for a while because she learned if she leans far enough to the side she can pop her legs out and she tries to push herself out......onto her head. My child has no sense of danger, and that's a terrifying thought. So, the walker is only for "emergency situations", such as I just have to do dishes and Christian is still at work. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

We went out to Ross, Target, and Mimi's Cafe tonight for an impromptu family-night-out. We got some kitchen odds and ends at Ross, some new foods for Leah to try to Target along with some much needed shorts for Christian and some Hello Kitty accessories for my iPod, and we had a decent dinner at Mimi's though it wasn't nearly as good as it usually is there. Leah tried pancakes for the first time and she loved them!  She probably would have eaten my whole meal if I let her. She's very weird about what foods she will and won't eat, and right now she's still mostly on purees. I think she might be texture picky, much like her mother, and I am hoping we can slowly break her of some of that in the next 3 weeks.

That's right, my baby will be one year old in 20 days. Not even 3 whole weeks. I catch myself crying over her being so close to that first year mark nearly everyday now and I'm having a hard time letting go of the helpless baby image I still imagine as her. She can feed herself. She can stand and is beginning to walk. She can say a handful of words. She can  show you if she does or doesn't like what you're doing. She will let you know when she is hungry, sleepy, happy. She can do so much on her own that I couldn't imagine her doing before that it's kind of overwhelming. It's a lot for me to process and accept right now.

Baby Z has a check-up on June 28th which was supposed to be our final appointment with the midwife office if we were still leaving July 5th. Since we aren't going until the 19th-ish I am going to ask if I could possibly schedule my anatomy scan appointment for July 16th when I'll be 19 weeks and 3 days. I'm not sure if they'll be okay with that or not, I just know I won't be seen at the hospital in Okinawa for at least 2 weeks otherwise and part of me is kind of afraid my first appointment there will me rushed and uncomfortable, something I don't want my anatomy scan to be. I want to enjoy seeing the baby, I want to be relaxed laying down as they check to make sure everything looks great still, I want the happy tech to ask if I want to know the sex and see them smile when they tell me (if they can). I am so paranoid about the hospital in Japan it's beginning to make me dread moving there in a way. But I know there's nothing I can do to avoid it now. So far no major movement with the little one, though I can feel their little body when I put my hands on my abdomen. That's always a nice little reminder they are hanging out in there.

Tomorrow is Father's Day and Christian has yet to tell me what he wants or what he wants to do. So I guess he'll be watching the Brazil soccer match then if he comes up with any ideas we'll wing it. Leah is passed out with him in bed so I will hopefully be joining them shortly. I definitely have not missed the uncomfortable nights of being pregnant, but that's just the way it goes sometimes I suppose. :)

More is usually better

Today is going to be one of those days.

Not necessarily a bad day, just a different day. Leah woke up a lot later today than usual, and even when she did wake up all she did was have a bottle then pass back out. It's 1:30pm here and she hasn't even been up an hour yet. This means my whole schedule for today has been thrown off. She won't be napping between 2 and 3 because she won't be tired yet. I won't be done cleaning the kitchen up like I had planned to do before her nap because Christian will be home by then and chances are we'll be going out tonight. Kairi didn't get fed at her usual time because we were still in bed. It isn't major things, just usual routine that has been a little thrown off for us.

The only part I am dreading is tonight. That means she won't be going to sleep by her usual time, which is midnight. That's late for me as it is, and I hope she still manages to go to sleep at a slightly reasonable hour (for her). Christian is, of course, already asleep because he wakes up for work around 5am and anyone who hasn't gotten enough sleep before work knows how badly you end up feeling all day.

For now I need to find something to eat for lunch, and entertain Leah. I just walked the dog and checked the mail, and I am hoping Christian gets off at a reasonable time today. We really need to go grocery shopping and I have a feeling we'll be eating out for dinner.

Photos from Leah's early party

This is just a few of the pictures from the party. My Flickr account is public and always updated with recent pictures. If you want to see the full size image, just click on it.

Never again.

Maybe 15 minutes from home tonight Christian fell asleep while driving.

I was sitting in the back seat of our car with Leah because she was very tired and ready for bed, but we were (obviously) not home yet. She can be very picky about her sleeping conditions and this just so happened to be one of those instances.

He was talking to me just fine and then I feel the car take a sharp right and we're on the side of the road, in the gravel, about to hit a tree. I screamed loud enough to startle Christian, who then over corrected and almost caused the car to flip.

Thankfully we were the only people on that road at the time...at the same time it's scary to think we could have gotten badly hurt and nobody would be the wiser.

Naturally I had a panic attack. I am really afraid of being in cars as it is (one of my weird phobias) so this only caused a breakdown to say the least. I had my cry and yelled at Christian until I felt better (which really didn't bother me then but I made a point of apologizing after we'd been home a while) then I took the wheel. I drove us the rest of the way home, Christian awake in the back seat the whole time.

He didn't look tired at all. Didn't sound tired. Didn't feel tired.

I don't know what happened to my husband tonight.

Blood isn't always thicker than water

This is the entry I've dreaded writing. It is going to come out completely selfish, and completely ridiculous sounding, but believe you me when I tell you it's the sad, unfortunate truth.

There is a very long version and a fairly simple version. For the sake of my mental health I will only be sharing the fairly simple version. This whole ordeal takes a lot out of me, and hurts me deeply. I can only hope by the grace of god that by the time Leah is old enough to understand all of this the situation has somehow bettered itself.

Christian's family - his father and stepmother primarily - have not liked me since October 29th, 2006. That's right, the day we began dating. His stepmother claims to be psychic and she told him on Christmas 2006 that she had a bad feeling about the relationship. When Christian asked what she meant all she said was "You're going to want to marry this girl." [They will tell you that they were "nothing but kind" up until our engagement - that is a bold faced lie. We have saved every internet conversation from day 1 in case we were to ever need to take legal action against them.]

It should be said that Christian's parents are not very...supportive of long term relationships at a "young" age. While in Belgium they used to tell him often to "go out and get laid already". When Christian told them at 20 (over a year later) that he was going to propose to me they lost it and said they'd never approve of his decision and they would never recognize the marriage. After he proposed and my family welcomed him with open arms he decided to do what he wanted for once.

So we got married.

His family wasn't there for multiple reasons. They were upset that we were having the ceremony in a church (they believe religion is the government's tool to control your mind and your life), they refused to accept that we were already legally wed (we had a JOP ceremony 3 weeks before the church ceremony), and they were extremely inappropriate towards myself and my family. Christian and I expressed our feelings on the topic and flat out told them if they couldn't be respectful of MY family they were not welcome at the ceremony.

For the first year of our marriage all that came from them was pure, distasteful, hateful words and actions. One of the most ridiculous issues that came up time after time was the fact that I share the same name as his stepmother. She refused to acknowledge me if Christian called me "Nessa" because that was HER nickname first. They went as far as to tell me I should go by my middle name so that we wouldn't have financial troubles. She seemed to think we'd accidentally get credit in her name instead of mine one day or that her paycheck would come to me instead of her. I flat out told her to get the hell over it, she is not the only Vanessa in the world, and I was not going to be bullied by a woman 8 years older than me over my legal name. (Yes, she is a mere 8 years older than Christian and I) After that exchange they chose to completely ignore me. They would go from hanging up the phone if I answered instead of Christian to sending e-mails calling my family and myself every derogatory name possible. No matter what Christian said or did they continued to badger us with their negativity. His grandmother did nothing but call us and tell us how we are ruining the family. They called me a gold digger and told Christian over and over that I don't love him, that I am using him, never have children with her she just wants child support.

We went to Texas for my sisters graduation from high school in June of 2008. They went crazy. Calling all the time, yelling at us about visiting my family but not visiting them yet. They didn't want US to visit - they wanted CHRISTIAN to visit. That simply was not going to happen.

Then, I got pregnant with Leah in October.

Suddenly everything changed. They want to call and talk to me about my pregnancy. They wanted pictures and weekly updates. Christian was deployed and they wanted him to call them instead of me. His stepmom would call to tell me about the "great care package" she sent him - packages he never got. If I didn't call for every birthday and holiday she would call a few days later and tell me off for ignoring them. But she never called for my birthday, never called for any holidays. Christian picked out Christmas gifts for his family in advance and all they had to say when they received them was "We have enough money to buy what we really want, don't bother sending gifts again".

Around my second trimester of pregnancy they told Christian they wanted to buy Leah's crib for her, and told us to send them a link to the one we'd like. After much discussion we decided to take them up on the offer - we asked them for three months when we should expect the crib to arrive. I was 8.5 months pregnant when they finally told us they weren't buying it anymore. We ended up buying it with baby shower gift cards, a very real blessing to us at that moment in time. My parents had told me from the start as soon as I found out the due date they would book tickets and be sure they were here to see Leah - his parents got upset because they couldn't afford to fly out (his father decided to retire from the AF without a back-up job and his stepmom didn't work - I had NO sympathy) and they were offended we didn't tell my parents to not come out, too, because they were unable to. We took family pictures while they were down and that caused another huge fight - one that led us to not speak with them for three months.

This kind of crap has continued since Leah was born, all the way up until we visited them in Florida about 10 days ago. Christian took 2 weeks of leave so we could go see his family in Florida for 7 days then go to Maryland for 5 days so I could say goodbye to my family and pick up our dog, Kairi. His parents absolutely refused to take any time off to see us, which severely limited how much time we'd be spending with them. Not to mention they live 7 hours north of his grandmother, the person we were staying with the first half of the trip because it was over $100 cheaper to fly in to central Florida than the panhandle. His parents smoke, have three ridiculously yappy dogs that pee and poop in their house, and his 3 brothers have NO sense of respect or discipline - it simply wasn't an option for us to stay at their house.

The base has a rule that any more than 14 days of leave has to be approved by the commander and currently he is not approving any requests unless it involves a sensitive family situation. We explained this to them as they ALL badgered us about not spending more time in Florida, why do we have to see MY family, yada yada. I had no problem telling them that we were going to see my family because I am having to leave them behind, too. They seem to think that they are the only ones having a child move half way around the world.

So we get there and they completely ignore me. To the point where they don't even say hello to Leah until Christian has her and is changing her diaper. They ask Christian to step outside so they can talk to her, and ask him to bring Leah with him. I was left inside their house, alone, for almost four hours. I heard Christian raise his voice a few times - something he rarely does - and anytime he tried to come inside to talk to me his dad would call him back out. It was an absolutely horrible experience. When it came time for us to leave his dad came in and said "Well, sorry we didn't get the chance to talk, I don't think this a good way for us to get to know each other. Maybe next time."

I told Christian I would not be going back with him the following day - nor would Leah - if he was going to allow me to sit and be ignored again. We got into a huge fight and he agreed that if I felt I was being pushed out of the conversation and visit we would leave. He did wonderfully and did not let his parents try to avoid including me. When we left that day I did not like them any more than I had the day before but I had been very civil and polite. I told them about Leah's likes and dislikes, things she can and can't do, and took pictures of them with her. They told me that I shouldn't be pregnant yet and they "hope it turns out okay" but "wouldn't be surprised" if it didn't.

Our last day in Florida was filled with them calling his grandma (where we were again since we'd also be flying out of central Florida) telling her we didn't spend any time with them, we ignored them for Christian's other side of the family, what a waste this trip was, etc. We spent $1000 to visit them, plus the cost of a rental car, food, and gas, and that's all they have to say about the trip? I was beyond livid at that point. The day we flew to Maryland I was so relived I cried at the airport.

While in Maryland Christian's parents call us liars, and his stepmom decides to delete and block us from Facebook. No problem, we block her in return so she is unable to play the "haha I am messaging you but ignoring you" game. His brother makes a fake account and begins messaging ME, telling me to "go to hell you f**king b***h!", that my "family can all go to hell too!", and that Christian is a "f**king idiot" now that he married me.

After a very long, drawn out conversation (as soon as it popped up I gave the laptop to Christian and told him I'm not playing this bs game) Christian and I made all of our blogs and accounts private to prevent his family from reading and or taking any of our updates or information and finding a way to twist it or share it when we have not giving them permission to do so.

Christian is having a hard time not communicating with them and feels he needs to call on Mother's Day to be polite. I have told him how I feel about this and he just can't seem to grasp that he isn't the one that's ruining his family's relationship, it's his parents. I am having a very hard time handling all of this because I am the one that's constantly being badmouthed. I fear when Leah is old enough to really understand what they are saying that they will convince her that I am a bad person or that I don't love her. I worry that they will try to tell her that my family is evil, or that they don't care for her, the way they convinced Christian so long ago about his mother's side of the family. I worry that I stress over all of this too much and that I could miscarry the baby. I am afraid that my husband will never be able to face that perhaps OUR life would be better if they weren't as involved - or involved at all.

Right now, I'm not entirely sure of what steps to take to make the situation any easier for me. There's therapy or counseling but the last thing I want is for them to tell Christian's first shirt that they are worried about my mental health and refuse to let Christian PCS. The truth is, I am concerned about my mental health. As long as this situation continues the way it has I don't know how I am going to handle it.

Quick update before dinner

I apologize for the very abrupt change in privacy as far as requiring an invite to read goes. I will further elaborate at a later time about the situation but for now I would prefer to just remain mum. It's not all that easy to explain so when I have the chance to sit down and put my thoughts together properly I will share the current problematic situation we have found ourselves in.

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On to happier things! We had our first doctor appointment on April 16th, Christian's 23rd birthday. I was so afraid of missing the ultrasound (it had already happened once) that we got there almost an hour early. We got the same doctor who delivered Leah, Dr. Wilson, and he said everything looks perfect. We got a picture of our little blob (<3), got to see AND hear their heartbeat, and we got my EDD: December 7th, our 3rd wedding anniversary.



We are almost 100% sure my mom will be coming out in October to stay with us until at least January to help us adjust to having two little ones and so we have someone we know and trust to take care of Leah while I am at the hospital. Since I will be delivering in Japan at a military hospital I am almost guaranteed to deliver via cesarean again. I was very fortunate to have my sister around for Leah's birth and I am not entirely sure I'll be able to handle caring for a new baby after another cesarean while still maintaining a regular routine with Leah. I know I'll fall into my own little schedule and routine but having her there will make me feel much more secure and confident.

Leah is doing great. She is up to 19 lbs 6oz, and 28 inches long. She is 9 months and 2 weeks old. She can pull herself up on almost anything within reach, can stand for about 10 seconds on her own, and today took 2 steps before falling over. They were "running steps" of sorts, she took them trying to keep herself standing upright. Haha. She still babbles "mama" often and loves hearing herself make noise. She hasn't mastered "dada" quite yet, but Christian is patiently waiting. :)

Currently we are on "vacation" in Maryland. We spent last week in Florida and we go home on Friday. When we get back to California we should HOPEFULLY get our orders then we'll be in PCS overdrive.

I'll finish our very lengthy update with a separate entry later on!

100% sure

100% sure
Originally uploaded by auphelia

Obviously big updates to come!

Well, well, what have we here?

Well ladies and gentlemen, our lives have been permanently interrupted! We found out 2 days ago that on November 23rd, 2009 we were chosen to PCS to Kadena AFB. Kadena, if you're unfamiliar with it, is located in Okinawa, Japan!

Christian will fly out ahead of us at the beginning of June to get us a house and to scope out the place. Leah and I will fly out afterwards to meet up with him. We were sad at first, but now we're filled with excitement! We cannot wait to go on a new adventure as a family. :)

This will greatly affect my 101 list so I'll be making changes shortly. Anyone who is military and has lived overseas can tell you it really is NOT that easy to get enough leave (and approval!) to leave the country you're in the visit the states. So instead of some of the locations we hoped to visit here I'll add MANY we hope to visit while in Asia and maybe even Europe again!

I have a feeling this will also affect our plans for children. We will still begin trying to conceive when we originally planned to but because I will deliver in a Japanese hospital the chances of me having a VBAC will be much lower. Depending on if I end up with a repeat cesarean we may have to stop having children much earlier than we originally wanted to. I'm trying not to think about it too much because it is a very saddening thought for us.

Leah will have her first birthday in Okinawa and my family is planning on flying out to spend it with her! I am grateful she will still be surrounded by loved ones on her first big day. :)

Kairi is coming with us as well. We have to get going on lots of paperwork and such for her but gosh dang it I am not leaving my puppy behind! I've had her since she was 8 weeks old and she's 13 months now. She helped me through Christian's first deployment when I was pregnant and alone, and she is my constant companion now that I have Leah and we're home all day. Life in Japan just wouldn't be the same without her.

We can't take our car "Betsy" with us (our Kia) so I am thankful we haven't bought a new car yet. :) In Japan they drive on the left side of the road (similar to in the UK), plus they have very strict requirements of vehicles within their country. We technically could take it but it would cost thousands and thousands to adjust it to their standards.

We are so excited to have such an amazing opportunity for our first PCS. Beale was Christian's first duty station so we're in for the adventure of a lifetime!